Getting to Know You

I have always though it was a good thing to know your spouse better than you know yourself and have them know you better as well. This week, I was able to reflect on my engagement and see where improvements could be made, My fiancé and I did the quizzes in John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, from chapters 4 and 5 and we felt as if we knew each other very well. It probably helped that we dated a year before we got engaged though. I think that truly knowing your spouse before getting married helps couples realize who they are marrying. One piece of advice I received from several people who I trust, said that you should see that person in several different situations to see how they handle them to know whether or not you agree with how they handle things.

I really like what the Love Map has to offer couples and how it teaches them to know one another. I think it makes sense, I know I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t know anything about me! That would be awful. I think it is important to marry your best friend. I know that I wouldn’t want to spend eternity with anyone else!

One thing I find important though is to continue to get to know your spouse throughout life. Right now, it seems like that could be hard, because I feel like I know everything there is to know about Phil, but I know that is not the case! I feel like it is important to often use the Love Map throughout the marriage to learn more about each other, especially because personalities change and there are still things that can constantly be learned about one another!

Marry Your Best Friend!

This week I started reading out of two books that I found to be very beneficial in regards to marriage and making marriage healthy and happy. I loved how similar the books are, but written in different perspectives. One from a secular point of view, and the other was religious. Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard and the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I really enjoyed these two perspectives because they give good advice to married couples on how to make the most of your marriage and make it as strong as possible. One thing I found that I really liked was the emphasis to make a marriage good, is to have your spouse become your friend. To me that seems obvious though, right? I couldn’t imagine not marrying my best friend. Phil and I are two peas in a pod, we complete each other and he is my better half. I wouldn’t even dare to marry someone who I didn’t share that deep connection with. Gottman states that “happy marriages are based on a deep friendship”. Couples need to have respect and love for each other or the marriage cannot be successful. I think it is important to learn everything you can about them. I know Phil better than I know myself and I would say that he knows me better than I know myself as well. I know his likes, dislikes, fears, greatest desires, and he knows that same for me. Our relationship is so strong because we built it off by becoming friends and putting one another’s desires and needs before our own. We also allow the Lord to be present in our relationship. We know that as we draw closer to each other, we also grow closer to the Lord, just as Elder Bednar describes in his triangle diagram. In order to do this, we have made it a goal to read scriptures and pray daily, as well as attend the temple with each other on a regular basis. We have found that as we do this, we are preparing for when we are married, to have good habits. I like what Goddard says in his book about the only way for a marriage to progress and succeed is if husband and wife rely on what God has provided us. We must let the gospel of Jesus Christ be present in our marriage. It even states that in The Family: A Proclamation to the World” that, “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of our Lord and Savior.” How true that is! I would say that marriage is most successful when done by the right authority, right time, and the right place. That is the temple. I believe that my marriage will be start off on a good foundation because my sweetheart and I will be sealed for time and all eternity in the temple of the Lord. Our marriage will last even after death.

One of the greatest ways to avoid marital disputes is to become humble, and overcome the Natural man. I believe that if couples have charity and put each other first, the marriage will be blessed and saved. There will be conflict within marriage, but I believe it is important to know how to handle conflict in a way that will bring husband and wife closer, and not tear them apart. I think that if we are able to see our spouse as the Lord sees them, it will be easier to forgive them or let go of our pride when conflict or arguments may arise.

I am not married yet, however, I am well aware that marriage will be difficult but it is worth it. As Elder Joseph B. Worthlin stated, “true love lasts forever and is eternally patient, just as the Lord is”.     

The Temple is the Only Way to Go!

Something that I have been taught since I was a little girl was that marriage is essential to Heavenly Fathers plan and it is essential for us to do that in the temple so that we can have eternal life with our spouses and our children.

One thing that I have been thinking about lately and this is personally my opinion. When I was a child, I always just assumed that it would be me, my brothers, and my parents and that we would all live in this big home. However, now that I am engaged, I think about how it will be me, my husband and our children. However, now that I have thought about it, my children will have their children and so on. So really, I think about how my husband and I are will be together to create our own worlds. I still believe that we will all be sealed and in the Celestial Kingdom, we will all be one family and all will be equal in a sense but the one we are married to will be the one we progress with. I wonder if I am the only one who has this perspective?

I recently made it a goal to memorize The Family: A Proclamation to the World, and it was successful! By doing this, it became more of a standard to live by daily and something to implement than just something we all hang on our walls at home. I was able to dissect it and apply it to my life. It become apparent to me that men and women have their own roles and that both husband and wife provide certain qualities to the home. Some that the mother and only the mother can provide and it goes for the father as well. A child needs both mother and father.

“Husband and wife need cleave unto each other and none else” (Genesis 2:24)

“ Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:11)

These two scriptures describe perfectly what the Lord intends for his children. Husband and wife are to work together to perfect one another. It is important in an eternal marriage that each partner gives 100% and no less in order to make a happy marriage. I also love the analogy that Elder Bednar gives of the marriage triangle where the Lord, Husband and Wife are present and as husband and wife grow closer to one another they will grow closer to the lord.

Eternal marriage is of the highest degree of glory and a sacred covenant that we make with the Lord. It is a contract that is not only legal but an eternal covenant that allows our marriage to be continued beyond the grave. I cannot imagine a life where I couldn’t spend eternity without my spouse. I would be devastated if our marriage was only until death. I believe in temples and the house of the Lord makes it possible for me to be with my husband forever.  I could never imagine going anywhere but the temple. There is nothing in this life that would make me compromise that because the “Temple is a holy place where we are sealed together.” I love the Primary song I Love to See the Temple because it puts the doctrine of temple marriage into a clear perspective and allows us to remember to keep our eyes on the temple because the temple is the only way to be with our loved ones eternally.

 

I am a Defender of Marriage.

“Sin, even if legalized by man, is still sin in the eyes of God.” Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, declared this at the BYU Graduation Commencement in 2014. I believe it to be true. God has set up certain laws for us to follow and he is superior to man. My goal is not to offend anyone with this week’s post, but I feel like this is important and needs to be shared. I firmly believe that marriage is only to be between a man and a woman. That is what God intended and he will not change his mind about that and neither will I. It is vital that children be raised by both a mother and a father who are married. Children deserve the best life there is for them. If they are to have a normal life, it should be done in the best interest for them. Bringing children into untraditional homes brings more damage and harm than it does good this is because they are being taught that the lifestyle they are being raised in is of good value and worth which will keep the epidemic going and increase the likelihood of that untraditional family lifestyle to continue to spread. The only benefit I see of having gay marriage be legalized is that children have two married parents instead of two parents that are just cohabitating. I firmly believe that children should not be brought into this world if they are going into a family that has parents that are unmarried. You lose that sense of commitment and stability and the families no longer much value because they aren’t connected in that bond that comes through marriage. I do not support gay marriage and I think children suffer regardless, however, it would be a better situation for them to have married gay parents rather than unmarried gay parents.In a case study that I recently read by the Supreme Court of the United States, It stated that children are doing just fine in homes that are untraditional, particularly gay/lesbian homes. I agree that they can still provide loving and nurturing homes, but I don’t see the beneficial advantages or where the children gain any values when brought up in a home like that. This type of lifestyle impacts the children and deprives them of having both a mother and a father. Children need that balance. It is important because mothers and fathers provide important qualities to the home and each different aspects. Fathers are to provide, preside and protect the family whereas mothers are to nurture, prepare and care. I believe in this principle firmly. Fathers and Mothers add different qualities and aspects to the home that one can do and the other can’t just because of natural gender tendencies.  That is why God created both a man and a woman. So they can be together. I am grateful for the council the Lord gives us. It provides us with the truth we need especially in these changing and challenging days.

Marriage between a man and a woman is beautiful and perfect in the eyes of god. It is the reason why we are here. It is part of God’s eternal plan for us. To marry and multiple and replenish the earth. I know that the Lord will bless those who follow that commandment. It is my responsibility to stand as an advocate for marriage and family in the most traditional way. Especially in these changing times. The adversary is doing everything he can to destroy the family and we need defenders of marriage, defenders of family and defenders of truth.