Marital Poop Detector

Have you ever heard of a Marital Poop Detector? Sounds weird right? But it’s totally true. It is John's Gottman's Theory from his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Basically what this comes down to is that a partner in the relationship is able to tell where BS is brought up therefore the issue is able to be brought up and fixed. Many people see this as nagging, but honestly, would you rather be happy or living in conflict? I believe that the more you bring up conflict right away and get down to the critical issue, so the couple can get back to living happily!

I remember there was a time in my relationship with Phil that we were afraid to bring up conflict because we didn’t want to have any arguments. But by doing that, we almost had to end our relationship because we couldn’t confront each other about our issues that needed to be fixed. Then one day we just had to sit down and talk about everything that had been our minds throughout our relationship. I believe that night was a pivotal moment in our relationship because it helped us realize that we need to be honest about relationship and talk about problems that need to be addressed.

I think that couples need to be comfortable with each other enough to be able to work out problems they encounter. I believe that if they cannot accurately express their emotions and feelings for one another than I believe the marriage is on a really rocky and steep path. I don’t see the poop detector as a bad thing, I see it as an opportunity for the couples to help lift each other up to make them a better person.

One Heart... One Mind

I think that one of the main issues with forgiveness is being able to humble your self and let go of pride, and just focus on what needs to be solved and accomplished.

Maybe it is because I am not married and I can’t fully understand the pride cycle within a marriage, but I really do not understand how some people would think it is a good idea to treat a spouse that way. I think that if there is pride in a marriage, then the marriage needs a lot of work. In my opinion, marriage is a lot of hard work, but it takes both couples putting their complete effort into the relationship. Marriage is not a 50/50 thing. Each couple needs to be putting 100% in each. I believe that as they do this, they will become more humble diminishing pride. The more humble they become, the closer they will be drawn together, therefore drawing closer to the Lord. I think that one of the best ways couples can do that is by putting their spouses needs before their home. Being selfless, in my opinion has helped me become humble and I think is a great way to get out of the pride cycle. Marriage is about love and nurturing your spouse. I believe that if pride becomes present, it can destroy the happiness that once was their which could take a lot to get back. I think if couples make sure that the Lord is present and that they are able to have that Christ-like love and throw away the worldly views that it can be a successful marriage.

My all-time favorite scripture is Matthew 11:28-30. I have found a lot of solace and peace when I use it in my life. I have enjoyed the comfort that it brings and how I am able to use it in my life whenever I am stressed. I have learned that through the Lord anything is possible and he is there for us to lift us up when we are down. I believe that the Lord desires us to go to him. He wants us to use his atonement to take away our burdens. That is why he suffered for us. He loves us so much that he died for us so that he can be happy and be forgiven for our sins. Life is really hard, but I have found that if I use the Saviors atonement, that life is a lot easier and worth living!

I believe that scripture fits in really well with the idea of consecrating a marriage as well because it teaches us that we can turn to the Lord to take away our sins and sorrows, but we can also turn to our spouse. One thing that I believe strongly is that our spouse needs to become our greatest friend and the one that we turn to when we need to be strengthened. I believe that in order to make a marriage sacred and consecrated the Lord needs to be present. I strongly believe that the closer the couple draw near to one another, the closer they get to the Lord. That is why I love the idea of a couple giving 100% instead of 50%. If each couple is providing 100% effort into the relationship, they are becoming of one heart and one mind, which is what Zion is. I believe that every married couple can experience Zion in their home if they strive to draw closer to the Lord while at the same time, drawing closer to one another. If they do that, they are no longer two separate individuals living separate lives, but they are one, experiencing life together.

Pride

My fiancé often says “I am the most humble person I know”. I think that is very true in many cases with many people. Of course it is just a joke to say “yes, I know I have pride”, I know it rings true for me. Pride is one of the most horrible quilities that keeps me from getting along with others. I have learned in my life that it is what keeps me from developing strong relationships because I cannot let go of what I believe and try to see a different perspective that may be brought up.

I think this can especially be true in a marriage that is just beginning to start out. Couples will, without a doubt, not always see eye to eye and it can damage the relationship if not taken seriously. I think one of the best ways to avoid pride in really any relationship, but especially marriage, is to actively listen, with the intention of actually trying to understand where your partner is coming from and see their point of view. I think that when you are able to actively listen, you will be able to learn things or see a different perspective you hadn’t thought of before and become humbled. I think the more we humble ourselves the more we grow closer to our significant other.

Family Dinners

Family dinners. It is so sad that it is not something that is common anymore. Less than 1/3 of families in the United States are having family dinners and if they are. Half of those families are eating in front of the TV and not engaging in meaningful conversation. I remember my family ate together every single night without fail. Dinner was every night at 6:30 pm and we needed to be there. Having family dinners were some of the best memories I have with my family. I think that it allowed us to draw closer to each other and learn about what is going on in everyone’s lives and see where any improvements can be made. I remember family dinners was where we were able to connect with each other and show our support as we laughed, talked about our day, and plan for future events. It was when I felt my family was closest. I believe that it is vital to making a happy home especially for the children. It has been proven to impact and improve every area of a child’s life and brings relationships closer together. 

I read an LDS living article from February, 2013 about the benefits of eating at home as a family, they highlighted four reasons why family dinner is so vital. One of the reasons that were most surprising to me was that children who did not have dinner with their families were twice as likely to get involved with illegal substances. What was even more shocking was that they were also more likely to reduce the likelihood of teen pregnancy and depression. Just that alone makes me want to be determined to have family meals.  The next reason why family dinners are so important is because it increases children’s success in schools and their self-esteem. My favorite reason as to why family dinner is so important is because it creates a bond that unites the family as one and reduces the contention in the home. I have seen this in my own family. I know that we are close because we have bonded over dinner because that is where we were able to have heart-to-heart conversations. One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite General Conference talks by Elder Oaks’ “Good, Better, Best” is “What your children really want for dinner is you.” I think that is inspired. So many children are often on their own for dinner and never get that attention from their siblings and parents they deserve. They need that attention for the family to thrive. The last reason is because it reduces the likelihood of children getting into unhealthy habits. It reduces the chances for obesity, and eating disorders as well as teaching them good habits for how they should be eating. 

So my question is why do families not see the importance of having family dinners together. This is something that will benefit families. I understand that many families are busy and put family dinners on the backburner, but the facts are proven that family dinners are of the most important part of creating a strong unit. I know that in my own future family, I will make it a priority to have family dinner. I want a successful family and I care very much about the success and happiness of my family. Especially my children. I want the best future for them and I believe having family dinners is the best way to help create and help them start off on a solid ground so they can have a bright and happy future. I am making a promise to my future family to make family dinners a priority so that we can be successful and happy. I know that family is the most important unit and relationship we will ever have on this earth and in the eternities so I want to make it strong by doing the simple things that will make it good forever.