Transitions in Marriage

One thing I have learned is that when you marry your spouse, you also marry the family. It is important at this time to stay close to the family. I think it is important to try and develop a relationship with extended family because you are going to be with them for the rest of your life. I am grateful for my own relationship with my own in laws, they are wonderful and I am grateful to be marrying into such a wonderful family. I honestly couldn’t imagine marrying into a better family because they are a lot like my own family.

However, one thing that I believe to be important is that once a couple is married, is they lean and rely one another rather than their family. Husband and wife should support each other, and I believe that is best done by cleaving unto each other and becoming independent together. 

Council

I love Elder Ballard’s book. I own it and have read it several times, and think that it has a lot of insightful information. It allowed me to feel grateful to be a member of a church that is well organized where our leaders love one another so much and care for the well being of the church. It showed me how I can be a better member of my family.

Here are some of my favorite insights:

Before beginning their discussion, they express love and appreciation for one another.

I was impressed to find out that the apostles start their meetings expressing their love and appreciation for each other. It wasn’t surprising to me because it is a Christ-Like thing to do, but I had never thought about them doing that before. I feel like that helps invite the spirit and humbles the men to know what the will of god is. In a way, it made me feel loved by the apostles even more because when they meet, it is for the Church Members benefit, when they express their love for one another, the spirit is able to reside more, and they are able to discuss what they need to do to help the Church and its members. It makes me feel loved because they take counseling with one another seriously. It reminds me of missionaries doing companionship inventory, they are to start that meeting with sharing something they love about them before giving feedback. I think it makes the environment healthier and happier. I think this can be related to a marriage. Couples should never provide feedback without sharing what they love about their spouse. If you only talked about the negative, it wouldn’t be a very happy or even lasting marriage. You need that balance and more of the positive expression of love and appreciation to make a healthy relationship.

They meet in a sacred location which is dedicated and protected from evil influences

 I am a firm believer that the home can be a heaven on earth, and can be as a temple, and should be a refuge from the world’s storms and tribulations. It is important to make the home that way so the spirit can dwell there. It is difficult to talk about the things of the Lord, or see others the way the Lord see’s them of the spirit is not present. I love that we can dedicate our homes so that they can be protected from Satan’s plans. If our homes are a temple and a heaven on earth, and we are righteous, our families will progress towards the Lord together.

I believe that having my own council that is designed very similarly to the apostles is wise and would allow for increased respect for one another. I believe that having a family council, especially between husband and wife can help draw families closer to one another and allow them to develop a stronger bond as husband and wife.

Marital Poop Detector

Have you ever heard of a Marital Poop Detector? Sounds weird right? But it’s totally true. It is John's Gottman's Theory from his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Basically what this comes down to is that a partner in the relationship is able to tell where BS is brought up therefore the issue is able to be brought up and fixed. Many people see this as nagging, but honestly, would you rather be happy or living in conflict? I believe that the more you bring up conflict right away and get down to the critical issue, so the couple can get back to living happily!

I remember there was a time in my relationship with Phil that we were afraid to bring up conflict because we didn’t want to have any arguments. But by doing that, we almost had to end our relationship because we couldn’t confront each other about our issues that needed to be fixed. Then one day we just had to sit down and talk about everything that had been our minds throughout our relationship. I believe that night was a pivotal moment in our relationship because it helped us realize that we need to be honest about relationship and talk about problems that need to be addressed.

I think that couples need to be comfortable with each other enough to be able to work out problems they encounter. I believe that if they cannot accurately express their emotions and feelings for one another than I believe the marriage is on a really rocky and steep path. I don’t see the poop detector as a bad thing, I see it as an opportunity for the couples to help lift each other up to make them a better person.

One Heart... One Mind

I think that one of the main issues with forgiveness is being able to humble your self and let go of pride, and just focus on what needs to be solved and accomplished.

Maybe it is because I am not married and I can’t fully understand the pride cycle within a marriage, but I really do not understand how some people would think it is a good idea to treat a spouse that way. I think that if there is pride in a marriage, then the marriage needs a lot of work. In my opinion, marriage is a lot of hard work, but it takes both couples putting their complete effort into the relationship. Marriage is not a 50/50 thing. Each couple needs to be putting 100% in each. I believe that as they do this, they will become more humble diminishing pride. The more humble they become, the closer they will be drawn together, therefore drawing closer to the Lord. I think that one of the best ways couples can do that is by putting their spouses needs before their home. Being selfless, in my opinion has helped me become humble and I think is a great way to get out of the pride cycle. Marriage is about love and nurturing your spouse. I believe that if pride becomes present, it can destroy the happiness that once was their which could take a lot to get back. I think if couples make sure that the Lord is present and that they are able to have that Christ-like love and throw away the worldly views that it can be a successful marriage.

My all-time favorite scripture is Matthew 11:28-30. I have found a lot of solace and peace when I use it in my life. I have enjoyed the comfort that it brings and how I am able to use it in my life whenever I am stressed. I have learned that through the Lord anything is possible and he is there for us to lift us up when we are down. I believe that the Lord desires us to go to him. He wants us to use his atonement to take away our burdens. That is why he suffered for us. He loves us so much that he died for us so that he can be happy and be forgiven for our sins. Life is really hard, but I have found that if I use the Saviors atonement, that life is a lot easier and worth living!

I believe that scripture fits in really well with the idea of consecrating a marriage as well because it teaches us that we can turn to the Lord to take away our sins and sorrows, but we can also turn to our spouse. One thing that I believe strongly is that our spouse needs to become our greatest friend and the one that we turn to when we need to be strengthened. I believe that in order to make a marriage sacred and consecrated the Lord needs to be present. I strongly believe that the closer the couple draw near to one another, the closer they get to the Lord. That is why I love the idea of a couple giving 100% instead of 50%. If each couple is providing 100% effort into the relationship, they are becoming of one heart and one mind, which is what Zion is. I believe that every married couple can experience Zion in their home if they strive to draw closer to the Lord while at the same time, drawing closer to one another. If they do that, they are no longer two separate individuals living separate lives, but they are one, experiencing life together.